the background of me, i used to party a lot, drink a lot and have really bad anger issues. when i was younger i didnt care what i did or ask myself if my actions matter. saying this does not alleviate the fact that these problems still dont haunt me. I am doing better i only drink casually in moderation, i will be going to anger management, and going to AA meetings which are not court ordered. Now since my g/f and i have become more serious and we are expecting my past does not leave me. its always brought up and now she is going to leave me. because of my past 2 years ago. i am not the same person as i once was, and i am making a lot of effort to get myself straighten out. i have never hit her or done hard drugs like heroin, crack, smack, cocaine, pills, or even weed. after the news of my daughter coming to this world i am someone different, so what can i do to show her i am a different man even though i have a bad record. i dont want to lose my rights as a father or leave my family. i was mother raised and i know the importance of having a father figure. you can ask me for more details if you need and i will be truthful and honest. thank you in advanced.
I am 21 years old, my bad habits: drinking with no control, helping my friends everytime they ask me, and she left me because she heard from multiple people that i was cheating on her about 2 years ago. i fully accept every reaction to my actions and take the fault. but since i have no credibility hear say is the truth. i also was unable to keep a job consist and be reliable. i am a bad person i am not a saint. and i feel that this is the foundation that i built for myself. but i dont think i bad people dont deserve a chance. but thats probably cause i am the bad person. now i have a good job, consistent, and i will put myself on child support. i want to be involved with this kid so bad, and she said that i will not be allowed in the delivery room. i have no animosity towards her or her family because they do not like me for my past as well. i just want to be happy with my family. i know i am young but i’ve been drinking hard liquor and beer unfortunately since i was 14.
thank you everyone for your great advice. i am happy knowing now that all that matters is me being a man and being there for my daughter. :) this is a blessing for me and i dont have time to feel sorry for myself. even if you think your advice is minuscule dont because it put me in a happy state of mind knowing i’m not alone and i view you all as great friends. thank you :)!!
You have been describing your past your bad habits, and good ones too. but what makes your expectant GF leave you. YOU NEED to warn her that this is not right time to live in Tense situation. this will spoil the life of child in womb. and if she gets depressed , child will suffer.
you also tell her you are ready to compromise for your faults. and say sorry.
First of all, to ease your mind, you cannot have your parental rights taken away! Only the court can decide that and they would have to have a lot of proof that you are an unfit parent.
If she’s leaving you after learning about your past, then you’ll need to accept that. However, that does not mean giving up! By getting your act together and living the straight and now, perhaps she will see that you are no longer that person. Actions speak louder than words.
If she doesn’t come back to you remember you will be taken to court for child support. That is an obligation on your part, BUT you also have rights to see your child and be a part of her life. You can take the mother to court if that was to happen.
Keep up the good work. Try and stop drinking altogether (this would show her a lot). Don’t do any kind of drug except one given by a doctor.
Take parenting classes. This will look favorably to the court if you end up there and will also show her you mean business. Be there for her and if she refuses to see you then make sure she and her parents know that you’ll be available if she finds out she really needs you.
So, going to AA, not doing drugs, going to anger management classes and parenting classes are all positive steps in your life.
I commend you on your efforts to change your life and turn it around. Don’t let her make you backslide (by feeling sorry for yourself or getting angry at her). Live one day at a time.
You didn’t state your age. See if you can talk to a pastor, lawyer, etc for some guidance. I’d suggest social services but they tend to side with the woman.
Remember, if you don’t get back together and the baby is born, she does not have to give the baby your name.
I’ll pray for you and her and your child. God is there for you, all you have to do is seek Him out. If you don’t get answers right away, He may be saying wait, no or yes. He doesn’t make mistakes either. You can pray and ask for her to come back and if she doesn’t don’t get mad at God because the answer was no. He has his reasons. Besides, you never know she could change her mind.
Your past will always be with you. Learn from your mistakes, don’t repeat them. Remember, your actions (telling her you’ve changed and making that change) will speak louder than you constantly telling her, “I’ve changed, I’m not like that anymore.” She’ll see you have turned your life around and hopefully things will work out.
Remember, you are entitled to see your child and fight for that.
God bless!
I feel for your situation b/c my fiance and I have a similar situation. The difference is he was a constant, habitual liar. But he did do a lot of drinking, clubbing. We’ve been together now for three years and he hardly drinks at all, like three-four times a month. He doesn’t go to the club like at all. And he doesn’t lie hardly at all, even when he does, I know him so well, I know when he is lying to me. We have a daughter that will be one in a few days and if I thought he changed a lot after we got serious; that little girl has completely changed him. He’s not perfect, but he’s trying so hard. As I can see you are.
I admit that I used to sometimes bring up the past and stuff. One, remember that your GF is pregnant and so emotions are going to fly! One minute I loved my fiance the next I couldn’t stand him and was thinking about how I could raise the child on my own. Another thing to know is that it’s hard for us women to let things go sometimes, especially if it’s something that hurt us. I had never let my guard down with any other person before my fiance- so with doing that I put alot of trust in him. We’re both young so we made mistakes and we’ve hurt each other.
One thing that helped us was that we sat down one time and put everything out there. We gave each other complete amnesty to say whatever we wanted to say and tell each other how we really felt. So we had an understanding of being openly honest with each other without having the other person think that we were trying to hurt them. We just had to explain our feelings.
One of the things he told me was that he was tired of me constantly bringing up the past when it was evident that he had already changed so much and was still trying to become a better person/man/fiance/father.
So I would suggest you sit down with your GF and have her explain to you exactly what she wants from you and how she feels, after that tell her what you have already done to change for the better and let her know that you don’t want to keep hearing about the past because it just pushes you away.