First, I am in recovery. My fiance and I have a friend who is in recovery also. Being an alcoholic, I know the importance of not lending another alcoholic money.
My fiance on the other hand feels that there is nothing wrong with lending him money when she is asked. We have discussed this several times, but she still feels that it is ok.
Curious what others may think. Any personal or professional experiences greatly appreciated.
I probably wouldn’t do it myself. If the person needs things or help with housing. I would get them things or help pay the bills directly. But not give them cash.
maybe you can compromise…it is kind that your fiance wants to lend your friend money-however if it is feeding his problem it is not a good thing.
Maybe you can find out exactly what this friend needs and buy it for him so you know for sure the money isnt going to alcohol.
That should keep everyone happy.
You don’t state how long your friend has been in recovery, but I am guessing it is fairly new. There is a fine line between helping someone and enabling someone. You don’t state what the money is for, but my guess might be to pay off something that happened during addiction. It is very important to hold the alcoholic responsible for their behavior. You state you are in recovery, have you discussed this in depth with your sponsor? He or she may be able to help you the most.
First, I was once addicted to alcohol, but I haven’t had a drink in 11 years. I don’t call myself “in recovery” or an “alcoholic” or anything like that, and you don’t have to either in order to get better.
Now, as to whether to lend money or not, the same principles apply to people “in recovery” as they do to everyone else, and the bottom line is always to determine whether or not you have a reasonable prospect of getting repaid.
If you think it over and decide that the guy is likely to repay you (but you can afford the loss if he doesn’t) then lend him the money but make him sign a promissory note, charge interest, and require him to make monthly payments.
Tradition Seven: “Every A.A. group should be self-supporting, declining outside contributions.”
I think people in recovery should follow this tradition. It applies to the group, but also to the member.
Don’ lend money. This person needs help learning to “live life on life’s terms”, and that means earning your own money. Borrowing money is an old habit of alcoholics/addicts. They need to learn to make, save, and spend their own money.