i called my ex up because i was missing him and just wanted to talk. i ended the relationship, but we both still have feelings. he was heavy into drugs and alcohol when we got together, and cutting, so i broke up with him. hoping to hear he calmed down, i called and he told me that he wasn’t smoking pot as much, but started doing cocaine. i was horrified, so i broke the news that i was thinking of getting my ged or graduating early because i wasn’t feeling challenged in school and i want to work before i go off to college.
his exact response -
“if you leave, i will get worse. i’ll start smoking again and drinking more. honestly, i’ll kill myself if you’re not around.”
what do i do? i’m so scared and i feel so trapped…
Talk to a reahb clinic and try to get him in it!
everyone is responsible for his / her own actions. tell him you will call the cops for him to get help and why are you talking to such a person anyway.> this is just drama,
tell his parents or the police……..
What and addict. He’s blaming you for his addictions when he knows he’ll do it whether you’re there or not. Save yourself and get away. There’s nothing there for you but heartache and every thing that goes with that!
I think he wants to make you feel quilty for dumping him. He got to move on with his life.. He felt that he is rejecting from you. All I say is think about yourself and if you dont want to be in a trapped relationship then dont be with him cause he is a problem for your future relationship cause of his addiction with drugs. So its not worth it..
Been there done that….you are not responsible for his behavior, quit calling him…get on with your life
Talk with the police.If he is going to kill himself,is not for you,it is not your fault.It is because, he is taking drugs.Call the police,and explain them everything.Do it,before is too late.Good luck.
Stay away from him. That’s drinking drugging BS manipulative talk. If he says he’ll do that, say “if you think you’re worth that little, so do I. See ya.”
Then hang up.
Tell someone close to him what he said so they are aware of it but do not let him emotionally blackmail you into staying with him. He is sick and you didnt cause that. You cant babysit him for the rest of your life and give up your life for him. He is laying this guilt trip on you to keep you there. Worst scenario is if you left and he did die, well, you didnt cause his sickness and you are not his slave so its not your fault. You need to cut off all communication with him so you can move on with your life. Just make sure you do tell someone what he said. If it was me I would tell the police because they will go see him and evaluate the situation and make sure he gets to a hospital ward if they think he needs to go.
Do not feel guilty.
You can’t help him, he needs to help himself, like go to rehab. Run from this man, he will only bring you down.
He really needs medical attention!! You are not a professional and to get caught up with this mentally disturbed individual is weighing you down. For him to try and control you in that way is cruel to say the least. Just like one of the other answerers stated call his parents, school counselor or your parents. I would have said, tell him to name his potion or method to go ahead and kill himself but as I’ve studied in college, you do not dare a mental person because they will actually do it. He is ASKING for help by telling you he will kill himself if you leave, so do that and seek assistance from authority figures.
DO you love him or just afraid to leave? If you love him stand by him and get him help. If you are just afraid to leave then just leave. Don’t turn back, completely loose touch with him. You will never know what became of this loser but at least you will be able to live your life for you instead of dying for him. He says that he will kill himself if you leave but if you stay he will end up taking your life. Don’t let him do this to you. Love him or let him go. It is hard to wait for someone to change there ways, if you are going to do this then make sure he is worth what ever part of your life that you will waste for him.
he wont kill himself just because he want to u stay with him.. i have a couples ex that always said im going kill myself if u leave me too.. but now i move on they never kill themself.. which try to said it to make u stay with ur ex… trust me i have been there done that and it never came true
people who are suicidal dont talk about it. they are very depressed and will never actually say something like that. they just do it. people who are trying to scare you and manipulate you on the other hand will use this very often. get out of this relationship and do whats right for you. you seem too young to me to be tied up to someone who needs medical help. get out before you become just like him.
You are NOT responsible for what someone else does, even if they try to manipulate you into thinking you are. THAT’S what ex boyfriend is doing.
Tell his parents, tell your parents, tell your teachers, tell the police, tell a doctor, nurse, priest, etc… TELL SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are NOT responsible for his drugging and boozing. ou cannot stop him from harming himself. His insecurity was there before he knew you, you just haven’t seen it til now.
But if you have informaiton that could lead to harm for him, you should try to stop it. SO, tell someone who can help him and then watch from a distance. Don’t get yourself hurt any more…..
don’t stay in this relationship. he’ll only bring you down with him. if he wants to kill himself because you’re not in his life, he’s just damn stupid and you know what, we really don’t need people like that on this earth. it’s all these people who are addicted to drugs and alcohol that makes this world a horrible place. he can’t control his addiction…well that’s too bad and he should have never started and he will bring you down with him and you don’t want to fall in his path. you do what you can to better yourself and become strong and independent because when you have an education and can be by yourself no one can stop you in this world because you dont’ need to depend on anyone
Call the police that your Ex-BF made a death threat against himself. They will go over and check him out.
Also, stop calling him.
He is not your responsibility. Most who kill them-self do not advertise it. they just do it. You are not trapped. You have made a choice to still contact him..You go out there get your GED. Go to college. Make something of yourself. Do not let a loser drag you down with him..Yes it is sad that he has made a choice to do drugs, and he has a choice to get clean too..Good luck my dear. Life is grand when you try….
Stop communicating with him. Providing that listening ear is preventing him from getting the professional help that he needs. As long as you are around, he is going to come to you vs. getting help. This is a very dangerous situation and it can easily backfire. Stay, and he may still commit suicide, leave, and he may commit suicide, if he wants to commit suicide and you intervene, he may come after you instead.
I’ve been there, I’ve seen the backfires, I’ve witnessed the bloodshed. Two people came after me after I intervened in their attempted suicides, and got help – police, ambulance, so forth. I now know that this is an attempt to have control over you, he’s forcing you to keep you in a relationship you don’t want to be in. Stop talking to him. Agree to go with him to seek counseling, encourage him that there’s nothing wrong with going to get counseling, and after that, back out. If he doesn’t want to accept your offer of taking him to the initial appointment, get out of there, and fast. I know how stressful this situation can be. Protect yourself, because you are also in harm’s way by being the listening ear.
You get away from this guy as fast as you can. He will always have an excuse for what he does, and will stop you from making something of yours. You might do him a favor by getting away, then he knows that he cannot control you with threats. He also will continue to use and then after awhile, it will all be your fault, and then he will start attacking you. Do not let him put the monkey on your back.
He’s trying to manipulate you. You are not responsible for him. Live your life and let him live his. He’s just trying to hold on to you any way he can. It’s not a good relationship if you are not happy and he trying to force you to stay in this life. He is a control freak . I suggest that you stick with your original plan. He needs to stand up and be a man, and take responsibility for his on actions.
HE is responsible for his life being what it is. You have already broken up with this guy (you said he was your EX in the beginning of this tale). You’re not responsible for what he does. The only one making yourself feel scared and trapped is yourself.
Your ex is an addict. He’s manipulating you because that’s what addicts do, & “I’m going to kill myself if you…..” is the ultimate attempt at manipulation.
I have lived with addiction in my family for years, gone to meetings at addiction centres for co-dependants (that’s people like you’n'me) & heard stories just like yours time & time again.
First I want to congratulate you on accomplishing something that usually takes most of us a lifetime to achieve when our loved ones bocome addicted to a substance or behaviour, & that is you MOVED ON.
Well…almost anyway. I noticed you called him your ex. That is a good thing for both of you. Your decision to make him a part of your past is about the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. But staying in touch with him, & allowing him to play on your guilt strings is not healthy at all.
Let’s get one thing straight here. YOU didn’t force him to get heavy into drugs & alcohol, & YOU were out of the picture when he made the decision to start on cocaine, & I promise you he’ll get worse on his own WHETHER OR NOT YOU STAY.
I know this is a person you obviously care deeply about. But his problem really isn’t your responsibility. You have a right to be scared for his welfare, but if you feel trapped by HIS situation, it’s because YOU have chosen to feel that way.
So what do you do?
Get your ged, go get your job, & leave or whatever you need to do to look after yourself, you aren’t trapped unless you let him do that to you. OK?
Leave and live your life to the fullest. He can decide what he wants to do with his life. Frankly, I would have nothing more to do with him. If you ever contact him again and he says anything remotely similar, tell him to make sure his parents have your number so you can attend the funeral. Ask him what kind of flowers he would like for you to send and then tell him good bye.
I agree with many others…He is manipulating you and he is hoping you will feel exactly like you do now: powerless and trapped, unable to help him yet unable to leave him.
………………………………………..
Wake up and smell the BS, honey.
He’s a loser- and “misery loves company.”
PLEASE do not believe a word he says about hurting himself. He is doing this just so he can continue to hurt and use you. DONT LET HIM.
You deserve better than this, so go to therapy and deal with the issues that are making you continue to have contact with him. You have to avoid this man and you have to heal in order to go on with your life. FACE your fears and deal with your issues so you can get rid of baggage that is wearing you down. Good luck.
people that talk about killing themselves are bullshitting.. if he was serious, you’d be reading his obituary
you are being sucked in by someone who had emotional problems long before you met them… they are also an addict… as you probably already figured out, addiction means more to the addict than his or her loved ones… and no one can stop an addict from drinking or doing drugs — except themselves.
i think that it might be a good idea for you to check out the Alanon website, first… then Narcotics Anonymous. Both of these groups might provide you some insight, and even more insight if you attend some meetings.
You will discover you are not alone in your plight, and many others suffer the same stuff. Alanon is a support group for people whose lives have been affected by an alcoholic. I used to go, and I sat there and heard others tell MY story… i wasn’t alone!
Narcotics anonymous has “open”meetings quite a lot, and you are welcome if you are not an addict. You can listen, ask questions, etc.
I dont’ know if these would be helpful for you, but just suggestions…
If you leave him and he gets worse, it’s NOT YOUR PROBLEM! The guy has some emotional problems and they won’t go away by themselves, and you can NOT change them.
Take care of YOU… you will learn what this means when you go to Alanon.
You can also do a websearch on DEALING WITH AN ADDICT, DEALING WITH AN ALCHOLIC. or LIVING WITH AND ADDICT, etc.
Lots of helpful websites out there…
Him wanting to kill himself has nothing to do with you. You need to finish school and prepare for college. He needs help and you can’t help him. To avoid feeling guilty, you need to discontinue all communication with him.
Ma check dis..Da man is on bullshit..so go on wit ur life and dont worry bout wha he doin cause he is gone and dyin slowly…so no need 4 u 2 mess up ur life.cause if u worry bout him then u mightes well pull up a chair and smok crack wit him 2………………………
Get away from this sicko asap. Suggest he get counseling instead.
There is absolutely nothing you can do to make him get better. He has to do all the work himself and it isn’t easy. If you are still in high school, this is no task for you to tackle. Go to your parents, a counselor at school or the hotlines to talk to somebody.
I know it is hard, but you have to try to stay away from him so he won’t be pushed into proving threats. That is what they are.. threats to keep your attention. If you play the middle like you have been, he might just force himself to do something drastic.
He isn’t thinking clearly if he is on drugs and his problems are just too much for you to carry. He needs professional help and if he threatens suicide again, take it serious and call 9-1-1. You won’t know when it is serious, so take every threat serious. At least he will get some attention and maybe some help.