Question by cherry7evelyn: My sister in law is a meth addict. How do I deal with her?
My husband’s older sis has been addicted to meth since she was 13. All of us have tried to get her counseling and rehab, even church. Doesn’t work for her.
We moved 32 miles away from her and she still comes around harassing us every now and then to “visit” her daughter, whom we are taking care of now. She doesn’t even visit with her daughter, she just crashes out.
Sis in law always causes a scene in which the neighbors are yelling at her. Our house is in a peaceful drug free newer neighborhood. She is very rude and dirty.
My mother in law says we have to help with the little girl.
Sis in law destroys the house with her filthy two year old and lets him run in the streets, saggy diaper only.(Which upsets the neighbors of course) When I tell her to leave, my husband and his whole family call me and tell me I’m causing problems!!! It’s MY house!!
What do I do? My husband always sticks up for her, he says, “That’s my sister, she’s sick” When he does have serious talks with her she laughs it off and still comes over.
She knows I hate her, she just doesn’t care.
Best answer:
Answer by bopdaddytoo
write her off as a lost cause
What do you think? Answer below!
Her family is kind of enabling her. Even if your husband doesn’t want to disown her, he should still set boundaries. The only thing I can think of is a restraining order.
i agree that it is your house, but is it not partly your husband’s/ that IS his sister, and she always will be. Do you expect him to compeltely forget her bc shes a meth addict, and just cut her off from his life? that might be the wise thing to do, but if it was your sister, could you? well with the way you word things, such as “she is rude and dirty” and “her filthy two year-old’ you don’t sound very understanding or compassionate, in fact you sound rude and condescending. You talk about her child like he’s a dog, when he’s an innocent child that didn’t ask to be born into her drug environment. and who cares if the neighbors get “offended’ by that, they or somebody (hint hint0 should be calling CPS! She shouldn’t even be having kids in the 1st place with her addiction and lifestyle.
‘She knows i hate her, she just doesnt care”. Of course she doesnt care, shes a meth addict! she doesnt even care about herself, much less her children, family, let alone you!
Secondly, it sounds like there are deeper issues here, that you need to re-examine, such as taking care of her daughter, your husband’s niece. Was it mostly your husband’s decision, or yours mutually? Do you feel like you don’t really want to take care of her and have her in the house, and your husband just kind of forced her upon you? That maybe his niece but shes not yours. perhaps you feel obligated to follow your husband’s wishes, but I know if my bf had a niece of a drug-addicted sister and expected me to help take care of her I’d be annoyed.those are some issues you should evaluate and talk to your husband about it.
honestly, my bf’s sister is a crack addict…. She was very much the same, involved with druggies and junkies, accusing other people in the family of being addicted to crack, ie: my bf, she will say to him “You got another hit for me bro?” When meanwhile he is sober as a jay bird, but is CONSTANTLY trying to get someone to come out of the closet with their drug problems, when in actual fact she is the only one with the problem. These people need law enforcement help… friends and family will only get hurt trying to help these helpless people. We moved 4000km away from her…. and she STILL wants to come visit and crash at our place…. Why? So she can try and pry in on our lives and bring her brother down with her…. Not on my watch. Unfortunatly sometimes we have to cut our losses… and your sister in law sounds like one of those. Keep her away and tell your husband that this is NOT a healthy enviroment for your neice and if you 2 think you are cut out to be the gaurdians of her, then your husband needs to take his blinders off and see that… yes this is his siter , but this is also an innocent child who is watching their mother self distruct…. And do you really want her growing up to be just like your sister inlaw who you hate? Well… monkey see monkey do, what kind of an example are you? Get a restraining order….. the court is in YOUR favour right now, she is a high risk problem in yours and your neices life. They will do all they can to protect your neice, even if it means taking her into foster care. So don’t let it get out of hand like that, just get a restraining orde,r and keep the junkie out of your house.
Good luck
Wow, sounds like you’ve got a mess. I am a recovered cocaine and opiate addict, clean 5 years, and since I have been clean I have had to deal with my older brother and younger sister being on drugs. My sister is 17 and leaves for rehab next week.
I don’t know all the details but from what I have read, there are a few different ways that you could approach it. I’m sure there are other options, but these are the few that I could think of off the top of my head.
Option 1: Talk to your husband first, see what he thinks. If he agrees, the two of you together sit down and talk with the in-laws. Make sure he is willing to back you up in front of the in-laws. In most states, you can have a loved one committed to an inpatient rehab program with X amount of signatures stating that they agree that she needs to be admitted. Most states are somewhere around 3 to 6 signatures. Come from a caring, concerned perspective, Not an angry one. Just tell them that you care about her and her child and you want to see her get the help she needs and deserves. The family would still be left to help with her kid, but from what I’ve read, it would be easier if she was in rehab. Also, rehab can be expensive. Check to see if you have any church or government funded inpatient programs. Your local health department, police station, or NA program (Narcotics Anonymous) should be able to help you with that.
Option 2: It is your home and you have a right to say who walks in and out of your door. Let your husband know how much this is bothering you.. And don’t say it’s because she is at your house. Stress that it is her behavior when she is there. Lay down the law. You have the right to. When you choose to get married, your wife/ husband and kids are also your family and you have a responsibility to respect them. How parents feel about what goes on in your own home is none of their business. Unless they are paying your mortgage, they have no right to dictate what happens in your house.
Option 3: Talk to your husband, tell him that you do not want drugs in your house. Most meth users need a fix every 1 to 6 hours depending on how they do their meth. (IV, smoking, or snorting) so most likely if she comes over, she will have some with her. Explain to him that you and him could both do jail time and/or lose your house over that. Being friendly to his sister is one thing, but risking everything you have worked for is another.
I hope I was able to help, and God bless you and your family. I really hope you’re able to work this out. And addict in the family is a very painful thing to deal with.
It’s sad to say but there needs to be some tough love involved here. Your husband is right, she is sick but do you allow people with a life-threatening disease go without treatment? No.
I was also a meth addict. For years, from the time I was about 12 until I was 22. It’s a plague. It is so highly addictive and it eats away at your brain tissues. I wish I could talk to your family about what they can do but it seems like they are so involved that they can’t really see the big picture.
I started using meth intravenously and really became a horrible person. When children are involved, it’s a whole different ballgame. You should be comended for taking on the responsibility of this precious child and giving her the attention and care that her mother couldn’t give her at this time.
I know that I would still be using if my parents enabled me, which is what her family is doing. She needs tough love. Someone needs to get her 2 year old away from her. Meth addicts can’t take care of themselves let alone a child. 2 year olds require allot of care and are very impressionalbe. Plus, meth is so harmful to anyone, even those who don’t use it but are in the household. It takes crews of hazard specialists to clean up a meth lab, it gets in walls, furniture and can penetrate through walls.
She needs to know that she just can’t crash anywhere she pleases. There needs to be boundaries here and she will fight against them, believe me. She will break in and possibly do damage to property and things of that nature because she isn’t herself right now. She needs to hit bottom, and hard. Tell her you care for her and love her and this is why you’re not going to enable her to harm herself anymore, that you are not going to allow her to hurt her children by allowing them to see her this way.
Talk with your hubby and let him know that you have talked with someone who was addicted for 10 years, saw and experienced horrible things as a result only when my family wouldn’t allow me to have my cake and eat it too. I am going on 7 years of being clean and it’s a daily struggle. I still have using dreams where I wake up and want to use so badly. I had to lose allot to realize I didn’t want it anymore. I slept in cars and parks and tried to steal money and jewelry to support my habit but once I wasn’t allowed inside my mother’s home, it became difficult to support my habit. I did however, have my standards. I did not sleep with anyone or do anything for drugs. Some people are different though.
I live down the block from several people who I know use. But, it’s not a part of me anymore.
She needs to get counseling and attend NA to get a support system and once she shows that she’s going a better direction, you can let down your walls to show her you support her. She’ll need it. She’ll need to get on an anti-depressant also due to the fact that her saratonin will not be produced normally now and she will probably relapse. Meth make you feel elated and when you come off of it, it stops and slows the overproduction of that hormone.
I could go on and on but if you need anything at all, just let me know.
From experience I can tell you for sure that your husbands family are enablers. If your sister-in-law (SIL) were to die today they would all do the extreme mourning with out giving any thought to the fact they were the primary cause. It works like this (no matter what they have tried in the past); The family is pretty sure they are saving her life by acquiescing to her insane demands and unruly intention. The madness will stop when your SIL decides she wants to stop, no other intervention will be successful. By allowing her to invade the family she is being accepted and she knows it (by the way; you probably don’t know what you are missing or has been stolen or the unseen damage she has caused to date). so why should she change her position which is being lead by the confluence in her brain and physical sickness.
The only logical stance for the family to take is to offer intervention in the form of rehabilitation, if that is not accepted then have only one option and the smart family will follow it for the addicts sake: Change your locks and tell her she is not welcome until she fixes herself. In your case you need to file for custody secretly so she can’t trick the child protection services. And hopefully, you and your husband can repair the damage she has caused between you and him, and hopefully your husband can make his family understand there is no other way to save your SIL’s life.
She may die during this strict but correct way to deal with family, or she may die the next time she comes over looking for a hand out or to just be stoned someplace else. It’s your families choice I hope you guys choose to do the right thing. Help her help herself, she’s on the path to destruction now, being enablers will only hasten the inevitable.