Question by 22butterfly22: Boyfriend of 4 years throwing me through a roller coster, please help!?
So here is the scenario:
10 months ago my boyfriend (24 years old) and I (24 years old) broke up because he cheated on me and he decided to stay with that girl. We reconnected 4 months later and have been together ever since.
Things were great in the first few months, he was changing the way he used to be (he used to flake on me, accuse me of cheating and be verbally abusive). I haven’t been happier with him or loved him more. This month is the sixth month of being together and all of sudden things are starting to change.
Last weekend he flaked on me to go to his friends, left me at his house until 1 in the morning. Of course he had a huge apology and a excuse. I forgave him because he promised he wasn’t gonna be that person anymore, he said he just slipped. Okay fine. But this weekend it all changed again.
Friday he freaked out because I didn’t want to take him to narcotics anonymous meeting (he is a recovering drug and alcohol user). The plan was to just go to the movies with his friends, but all of a sudden he wants to go to a meeting. I fully support his recovery and always have, but I just wasn’t in the mood. The issue is that he has no car and no license so I have to take him everywhere.
Anyways, once I said I was set on not going he flipped out. He told me how I never want to hang out with his friends (totally untrue) and that it’s really hard to be with me (I give him rides everywhere, have helped him out more than anyone ever has and love him so much). I was shocked that he would react like this over not getting his way. And then it got worse he told me he wants to break up. Hours later though it turned out to just be a threat, but my trust and respect for him totally disappeared. I forgave him later the next day.
During the next day we kept distance from each other, but he said we would hang out and do whatever I wanted. Well that never happened because he went with his friends and didn’t call me till 9:15pm. Then he was inviting me over to his friends house where I thought the plan was just gonna be me and him. That turned into a huge fight because he flips out within seconds over nothing.
So I come over to his house and he gets into my car. The minute he sits down he says, “why does you car smell different, what is that weird smell??” And he sits there and sniffs around like a dog for like a minute. He was implying that I may have had a guy in my car even though he didn’t say it. I was mortified and just sickened. I have never ever cheated on him and for him to even have the audacity to do that was horrible.
I couldn’t speak to him the whole night, I didn’t even want him touching me. He tried to apologize and told me the reason he did that was because since he was being such a bad boyfriend lately, he thought maybe I would go find another guy. I can’t stand it.
All I keep thinking is I need to break up with him, but we have broken up so many times and each time I have come back. I mean I even came back when he cheated, so what’s the point in ending it. I just can’t seem to leave. Please help me, I really have no one to talk to about this right now.
Thank you so much for even reading.
Best answer:
Answer by Brooke
I know it’s hard not being able to talk to someone, especially your boyfriend when he’s supposed to be your best friend. It seems like he is just turning the situation around and trying to make you feel bad for the wrong things he is doing, which guys tend to do. Maybe when a fight happens, and he decides to “leave” you just need to stop trying to contact him, and let him come back to you. Let him be scared of losing something great he has. I know it may be hard to do, because you obviously care for him a lot if you’re doing all these things for him. He just needs to mature.
Give your answer to this question below!
You just seem to be attached. But are your reasons for staying in the relationship, the security and the comfort being in a relationship provides, or do you really believe you want to be with him? If you’re staying in this relationship because you feel you need or want to be in a relationship, then there’s other fish in the sea in which you can have a relationship with!! But if you think the reason why you’re still in the relationship is because of him, despite the fact that he doesn’t seem to be treating you very well, then you may need to have a bit of a clean break. See if he will agree to do this. Agree to see other people and what not. Limit the communication between the two of you. Let him be responsible for himself for a change, rather than him relying on you to do everything for him. And after a sufficient amount of time, see where that goes. You’ll probably find, that a break will do you guys some good, even if you do end up together again. And if not, I’m sure you could find someone who would treat you better.
Good luck! :)
In a relationship you need trust…and he lost that long long ago.
He needs to understand that sorries will never be enough anymore. This time, when you dump him it will be for real. Keep all the things you wrote above, and every time you even THINK about getting back together with him read it over and over until you realize how unhappy you were with him.
Write down all the things you want in a guy, and write all the BAD things he put into the relationship down also.
After you dump him throw out ALL the things he gave you.
You know you will find a lot of guys that are better than him. Think of the possibilities!
And on that note, after you break-up with him do something that will get your mind off of it.
Oh my goodness your life is a rollercoaster ride right now…Maybe your guy is confused what he wants out of life. He sounds like he’s up and down, left and right, and he’s taking you with him. That’s not fair for you at all…It must be so hard…I am sure you want everything to just be normal, and who knows if he will truly come around or if he will be the person he is now for years? I mean… It’s not right, but right now he probably doesn’t even know what he wants. I sure hope he comes around. If not…it will not be easy, but maybe some time apart will be beneficial in the long run. Good luck! (Help with mine? I know that’s a desperate thing to add but I do need help this time…)