Question by Bunny: What to do when someone is literally dying of alcoholism?
My husband is dying of alcoholism. No amount of rehabs, hospitalizations, 6 month stay at the Salvation Army Adult Rehab twice…nothing has worked. He’s ashamed and worried and scared. He really does not want to die. and he’s almost at the end. They should commit an alcoholic. If he’s not a danger to himself, I don’t know who is.
Best answer:
Answer by Ninja it up
he NEEDS to see a doctor and fast and needs to quit drinking and do exactly what the doctor says
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He needs to realize that his options are death or not drinking, and then he needs to realize that the payoff of relieving stress and pain and unhappiness aren’t worth it.
Maybe tie him up and take away his alcohol, that’s what I would do (I don’t know about detox so you should research how to keep him healthy during it)
He also needs intensive counseling as he probably has severe anxiety and/or depression.
The old saying “what cannot be cured has to be endured” may not hold good here.
How someone (in the beginning) becomes suddenly a husband is a mystery.
One should try to use imagination power in right direction.
Have you tried a family intervention. Basically the whole family gets together along with the therapist and the alcoholic. The family talks about how the alcoholism is affecting them. It tends to very intense, lots of crying and some alcoholics recover from this because they can actually see/hear that they are not only hurting themselves, but their family is also suffering.
Also, are there any underlying themes behind the alcoholism? Like does he drink because of money problems, depression, etc? If that’s the case, then you need to address the “real” cause of the problem before the alcoholism can be controlled.
It will sound cold but this is the reality. You cannot save someone who does not want to be saved. You are no longer doing him any good. You are now part of the process that is killing him. You are enabling him. Time for you to disconnect.
If you are buying his booze for him, if you allow him to not work for a living you are an enabler. You are contributing to his death. No person is ever helped to beat an addiction until they hit bottom. What I suspect you are doing, is the classic enable. Instead of lying in a pool of his own urine in an alleyway he sleeps in a comfortable bed you provide. Instead of begging for change for the next drink, he just opens the bottle you provide. Instead of being victimized by hoodlums he is safe and warm.
You have helped him construct quite a comfortable coffin for himself. I am sure that was never your intent but it will be the outcome unless you do something about it. Take him to Alcoholics Anonymous and go to Al-anon yourself they can help both of you end this cycle of death. You are lethal for each other this way. He needs to man up and you need to back off.
You are not alone.
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I should hope this is not your first attempt at help. You should read and work on saving yourself, you are also sick and need help and will repeat the same pattern in your life if you don’t.
I looked into this because my sister is also dying. I just saw her last weekend and she looks especially thin and as always 100 years old, 100 lbs. We are children of an alcoholic and dysfunctional family and it is interesting how many adults in my family won’t acknowledge her real problem. I have removed myself from regular contact as we were once very close but her judgement is pickled, she can’t remember anything and her personality is defensive and she postures so you won’t notice her pickled self or the tall vodka she must down while you are having ice water. So, she is shielded by other relationships who want to pretend it’s all fine – she does not want help and surrounds herself with anyone who will pretend also. I don’t participate, I have done all that I can do.
Who are “they”? I am wondering why it is anyone else’s problem to commit and pay for someone who deliberately wants to kill themselves? It is sad that’s for sure but we all have the same information available and you can only help, then not past the detriment of yourself. If you have helped to this degree then you yourself are ill also. I also have a brain damaged brother who is a lifetime substance abuser that I have had to walk away from because he will suck you dry of all that he can use you for and the black hole is endless. And, “they” don’t care, “they” will take your very life away from you if it will afford them shelter and alcohol.
I would endure the pain and wish him good luck and educate yourself on as much knowledge to battle your illness as an enabler – who will help you when he is gone and has wasted all your life? Answer = only you.
With love.
CO DEPENDANT NO MORE = best selling book – get it.
The hardest decision you will ever make as a co-dependant is to stop adopting other people’s problems as your own. Sadness and self created sadness is that, sad. But who is to say that all sadness is yours to endure? Be loving, be intelligent. The hardest and BEST decisions in my life have been not to have unhealthy relationships. Walking away to save yourself is hard and part of being an adult and realizing that all adults are responsible for theirselves.
If you have children, you should be thinking about them and clean it up starting today.
The only thing I feel you CAN do is rehab and all those approaches. There may be more severe or intense options or programs around, research it! Try calling a helpline to talk to some people who might seriously know how to help. Check out http://www.recoveryconnection.org/ Good luck.