Question by Baby Girl: 4 year old step daughter could have hurt 11 month old son husband doesnt think its a big deal! help!?
Ok I have a four year old step daughter and six year old step son and my husband and I have an 11 month old together, not to mention I am 18 weeks pregnant with our second together. My husband says that I am crazy and that I try to separate the children which in fact is not my intent but I try to make him understand that I do my best to make everything as equal as possible when they are here but that its not a perfect situation and that the family will always be divided in a way because his kids are here one week and at their mothers the next. my husband does not pay child support (its in the papers) at all and thats why we have them 50 percent of the time but its really bad this way because the kids have no stability. i believe they need to be at both places for longer periods of time or one of us needs full custody. anyways my step daughter who i believe is old enough to know the difference between right and wrong gets into things when she knows she is not supposed to. she got into some school supplies of mine in a shoe box on my desk (she was snooping) and took out 3 safety pins at some point while i was going to the bathroom and dropped them in her brothers play pen. I discovered them thankfully before anything happened but i think it was resentment or jealousy towards the baby and/or acting out for attention that she doesnt get from her dad who has pawned them off on me from day 1. i told my husband that she knew better and he says well maybe she is slow (she was born addicted to meth because of her mother) and needs to be tested. i just find it hard to believe that she is slow considering she does not show signs of developmental delays and also i think her older brother might have put her up to it. he lied to my face when i asked him about it. he said he did not know anything. their dad (my husband) talked to them but my husband insists that i am crazy because i think they are out to get me. am i crazy for even thinking that. i believe that at 4 and 6 almost 5 and 7 that they can be manipulative and that they are not stupid. i am not saying they are out to get me or hurt our son but i do think this possibility should be checked into and also having her tested for developmental delays. but my husband just goes into blaming mode. the girl was spanked for what she did last night and they were both grounded to their rooms for a few hours today after we found out they were both lying and were checked on often. i find something very wrong with the fact that when i asked her why she did it after she finally admitted to me that her only answer was cuz. and then her brother to boldly lie to my face. i think they both need serious counseling and i think my husband is trying to turn the problem around on me and say that i am the problem. the whole situation is bad in of itself and i dont know what to do any more. my husband doesnt even think its a big deal to tell their mother what they did and i think its a serious issue that needs to be nipped in the butt now and he some how thinks that i am a bad person and crazy also cuz they wont tell me the truth but they will him well gee i wonder why!!! they are not my biological children and they know that and they resent being shuffled between two places, what else could it possibly be? and to those of you who say you married the kids too, well thats fine and dandy but my own flesh and blood could have been killed and that makes me not want to have those kids in the house if their father can not control them or get them help. i dont think im crazy for wanting that and i do my best to treat them the same but they need to show me respect too and i feel my husband should be on my side and respect my wishes especially since he leaves those kids with me 95 percent of the time because he works more and when he is home he is watching tv among other things as long as i am here. im fed up what should i do? i dont want something worse to happen next time if those kids dont get help and he realizes the seriousness of this situation.
the kids have rules and their own spaces at our house…i resent the situation and my husband for allowing it to be the way that it is…and my husband changed a lot since we got married expecting that everything in our family is to be “normal” and that i am their mother (meaning take her place when they are here) and i think the kids resent that….and the girl was snooping through my things the box was up higher on my desk where she would have had to have gotten a chair to climb up there and grab it. they have been known to be sneaky like that before. i left the room for 2 min to go to the bathroom…the baby was in his play pen. and the kids have also been warned time and time again how dangerous small objects and toys are to babies. HELLO?
Best answer:
Answer by jello
i only read til the 4 yo drops safety pins into something and youre at the stupid belief that a 4 yo knows right from wrong. can you even remember what the hell you did at age 4? i doubt that very much. dont be so naive. children need to be watched continuously. be a better caretaker and dont leave pins and guns laying around for a 4 yo to get into.
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give him an ultimatum, either u go or his kids go n get prof.sych evaluations. if he chooses them, then leave his ass.
WOW! It seems like you are completely overwhelmed and your husband should be helping you. In the childrens’ defense…Put yourself in their shoes. They are crying out for attention and want badly to be treated by you like you treat their brother. It sounds as if you resent having to have them, but unfortunately they are not going to just go away. It would be really helpful for you “all” as a family to go to counseling and work through these issues because i can tell you from experience, they will get worse with time if not addressed while the kids are young. Also, I agree, your stepdaughter needs to see a doctor from what you describe. Children do not always “show” signs when there is a problem.
edit: After reading your other questions, it seems like you are very jealous of your husband’s ex and therefore resent his children which you stated you will never love like you love your own son. I feel very badly for those kids, it seems like there is nobody routing on their team. Really, you ought to consider counseling for yourself before you can make anyone else change.
ALSO, why did you ask this exact same question 5 different times? Wow