Question by K.: MEN: Please tell us why do you rather masturbate then have sex with your partner?
MEN: Please tell us why u refuse to have sex w/wife…?
Gentlemen: I have run into several desperate wifes like me that their husband’s refuse to have sex with them or “give in” perhaps once a month if we push to no end just to get it out of the way?
We have tried everything and anything to spice up the intimacy, counseling, dressing up sexy, talking, asking, begging, arguing, no fighting, being submissive, special places, you name it..everything…
Why instead of having sex with us you hide to masturbate, or stare at other girls on the street? We love you to no end and your actions have destroyed our self-confidence, self-esteem, we feel undesireble, unworthy, etc.
You claim to love us to no end, that we are everything and mean the world to you…but why then you refuse to make love to us? Why do you evade us the way you do? What have we done or what are we not doing right?
These woman have been married for 18 years, BUT several of us less then 3 yrs.
Please I beg you to finally break it in and tell us what is going on, nobody will know it’s you because you are anonymous here….please…..tell us.
My husband bragged about sleeping with over 350+ women, told me about all the wonderful wild sex nights he had at times in orgies with over 20 people, or had sex with 5 girls at the same time all night long, toys, syrups, positions, etc. But we me nothing…. I have caught him masturbating in the shower instead of having sex with me… You can read my previous question if you want more detail…
He was like this since day ONE, some of the excuses were that he was coming down from being a hard core meth addict and so on. If you guys didn’t want to commit to one restaurant only…then why bother in getting married and have kids? No, I didn’t let myself down, I actually look better then when he met me. If I don’t “push” then months would go by without sex. I’ve not always push or be a bi@#$, I’ve talk to him calmly & asking what does turn him on, told him how much I loved him, etc. Conversations have been the most pleasent to histerical. If he just never had the chemestry for me, then why be with me? Why he doesn’t leave and find the petite girl that rocks his world? I offered to sign the divorce papers and leave him with everything we have, still he says he loves me and don’t want to loose me. SEX is one of the BIGGEST KEY ELEMENTS IN MARRIAGE, it’s not about the sex or using your partner, is about making love to each other and explore the world of extasis. I am NOT boring in bed and actually can ber very active, wild, imaginative, passionate, willing to do anything to please him and make him happy to no end. The word “NO” in my mouth doesn’t exist. .
Lastly, I am so sorry to say this but…he doesn’t have a clue how to make a woman reach an orgasm. You would think that after being with so many women he will know that for a woman to reach an orgasm the man has to also estimulate their clitoris and NOT just go in and out. I can be very wild and exiting to no end, he gets PISSED off if I squeeze down there while having sex!
Best answer:
Answer by green
he dont like u enuf
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
tell him what you want when you guys are having sex if u guys are married you guys should be loose about everything
Looks like he has some misconceptions about sex. But you’re not perfect either.
He may be selfish and need to realize the benefits of pleasuring his partner. For males and females, sex is very different. And as a result, we often have trouble relating to our sexual partners. It would probably be best for him if you invested in a book or video that explained how women think sexually (and it might be good for you to do the same). Some guys however, will always be selfish in bed because they are naturally less empathetic and more self-oriented people.
Another explanation? He may be intimidated. For us guys that DO want to please our women, its very difficult and high pressure. He may feel more comfortable if he learned some knew techniques or strategies.
For you, I think its important to realize that the clitoris is not the only region that can produce orgasms. Some positions are much better suited for hitting “deep spots” and producing different kinds of orgasms.
Very well, I shall break it down for you. There may be several key factors going on in your situation and remember that your situation may not hold true for someone else, and although as you state you are not the only one with this issue, there may be other contributing factors involved with you that may or may not be relevant to the other women that you have discussed this topic with, but for the most part, let us see if I can break this issue down enough into its elements for you to come away from this with some sense that your question has been answered enough for you to move forward in addressing this issue with your husband.
First of all, just because your husband told you that he use to have wild sex, orgies, or has had sex with over 350+ women, doesn’t mean that he’s telling you the truth about his experiences. Males sometimes like to embellish upon their conquests, and sometimes males enjoy boasting or bragging about their desires, and they will again embellish the truth somewhat in order to puff themselves up and what they have done in order to impress you; just as any guy would try to impress a girl in order to get from her either sex, a relationship, or whatever the case may be, the point being that males don’t always tell the absolute truth when it comes to relationships, so take what your husband is telling you about his past with a grain of salt.
Next, let’s also address that you may be being too aggressive in your pursuit to get your husband more interested in you and in having intercourse. Males in general do not like a woman to be too aggressive or (pushy) because it intimidates them and they don’t know how to deal or handle a woman who is being sexually aggressive and so they turn back to what they know best, which is masturbation, something every male learns to do at an early age and becomes comfortable doing as they become comfortable with their own bodies and what they find exciting sexually that they fantasize about, and you being aggressive as you are to get your husband in the ( “mood” ) may or may not be working against you in your pursuit to get that Old Spark back in the bedroom.
Let us also suggest that if your husband is embellishing the truth about his experience, and you are being aggressive in your actions, and then let us suggest that your husband doesn’t really know as much about sex or what stimulates a woman as he claims to know, then all of this could be contributing to his inability to being you to sexual orgasm and climax, and this is an issue that would need to be addressed separately and with a lot of open communication from you and from your husband, but it also must be or should be addressed slowly and over time, otherwise your husband may shut down and not want to discuss the issue at all. T
he fact that he won’t really talk about his desires and masturbates in the shower, already should show you that he is shutting down and backing away from this issue and simply doesn’t want to deal with it, because in truth he may not know how to effectively deal with it in order to fix the issue and to help you enjoy your sexual intercourse with your husband as you would like, and more than likely as your husband would like as well.
I can almost guarantee you that your husband is aware that he has not brought you to orgasm during sex, and it probably is giving him a high level of anxiety over the issue, because he may be unsure how to correct the problem and give you more satisfaction, and you constantly bringing up the issue is probably embarrassing and humiliating for him, so he’s avoiding the issues and to get his own sexual release he goes back to what he is comfortable with, which is masturbation.
My advice would be to begin using a bit of reverse psychology on both your husband and on yourself. Don’t be in such a rush to constantly get your husband in the mood. Back off a bit and show your husband that although sex helps a marriage couple stay bonded it is not the only thing, not even the main key in a strong marriage, and so stop putting so much emphasis on the subject. Being just laying together and touching one another; begin simply by giving your husband a message and helping him to relax.
If you want your husband to pay more attention to you, then begin showing him that this is not the catastrophic problem he is thinking perhaps in his mind that it is; you may have gotten this issue so blown out of proportion that your husband is at his wits end on what to do and if you want to begin fixing this, then stress to your husband and to yourself that sex is not the key to marriage, not even its foundation, and if you want sex to be the enjoyable experience for the both of you that it is meant to be in the marriage bonding experience, then treat it like the fun game it is and not as a do or die, die hard issue that it has somehow emerged to me.
Cause let’s face it, you may be ( “ hot-to-trot “ ) but your husband most definitely is not right now and if you want to fix this problem, then first thing you have to do is back off, don’t keep this issue at the forefront of every conversation or every other conversation and just go with the flow right now; show your husband that you are his wife, you’ll stand by him no matter what, and your own sexual gratification is not as important as the two of you simply being together and being loving together.
And in the end, why does your husband or the husbands of these other girls masturbate or stare at other girls on the street, instead of taking care of business at home with their wives? Well, the basic answer is, those girls on the street or in magazines are not judging their performance, they are not calling into question their manhood, they are not crushing their ego or their self-confidence, and as childish as it may seem to you and to these other married women, males sometimes are just that simple and child-like in their mental thinking, and seeing a pretty girl on the street or in a magazine they can just be themselves with, without having to perform perfectly all the time or having performance issues and anxiety.
They can just for lack of a better work… (“jack-off/get-off”)…and release all their sexual tension and not have to worry about what the girl is going to say afterwards. And no amount of sexy clothing, submissive behavior, or role playing is going to fix this problem; it takes a more subtle touch. Therefore, in closing, this commentator believes that the best way to resolve your issue and the issues perhaps plaguing the other women you have spoken with is to try and look at this from your husband’s point of view.
In fact, stare yourself at some of the girls on the street they are looking at, or the ones in the girly magazines and consider what about them is so alluring to your husbands and mimic it, but again go slow and take your time, don’t be in a rush, and for pitty sake, remember these are men with often time child-like emotions and desires, and not robots who can just be programed to give you what you want.
Hope this helps…
THE END