Question by Danielle: where do you go when you love a drug addict and you wanna get healthy?
My son (who thank God willingly went into rehab for a couple of weeks and is coming home on Monday) is just getting clean and is about to come home and i want to make sure that he is coming home to the most supportive and healthy envrioment. As an addict in recovery for over 8 yrs myself i know that an addict always ends up poisining there enviorment and the people around them end up becoming as sick as they are. As a parent it has been especially hard to not become an enabeler to my childs addiction, to not listen to the overwhelming desire within me that screams out for me to protect him and save him from the consequences of his poor choices and to follow my motherly instinct that drives me to want to fix everything and save him from every ounce of pain he might ever feel but thats not reality and it’s not the way to help him and while my mind knows that my heart doesnt. It is incredibly painful to stand back and just watch him go through so much unnecissary pain. So i while i go to therapy, he’ll start therapy now and we’ll also start family therapy i still felt like i needed something like an alanon to help me to have daily support to not enable and to get through the daily pain of possible relapse and the mainpulation of an addict, especially when that addict is your teenage son that knows his mother loves him desperatly and who has often used that love as a weapon against me. The problem with the idea of Alanon was that when i looked it up online it was strictly about drinkig. Now i know for me personally when i went to AA meetings i just substituted the words drinking for the word “drugging” in my mind because AA helped me stay clean but i emailed Alanon and they said they would not allow someone in there group that wasn’t dealing with an alcholic that they felt that might “stir up issues for other memebers” What the heck does that mean??? Also i was hoping they might have chat rooms or someting because i cant get to meetings due to being a single mom, having another child who is severly autistic and transportation issues. Anyone out there have any ideas or info?
Best answer:
Answer by you’re lucky I’m nice
Narcotics Anonymous.
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Have you heard of Al-anon? Even ex-drug addicts go there, it is a support group with no dues or fees, and people whose loved ones are having trouble with drug/alcohol abuse go there for support and they teach you how to continue loving the person who is having problems without getting sucked into the negativity of their problems. They teach you to love, yet detach at the same time, so you can protect your inner serenity while being there to support your loved one(s) without enabling them. Look it up online, and you might find meetings in your area to go to. It worked for me and my dad when my alcoholic mother was having hard times, and they also help you with any problems you might be going through. Al-anon members are not judgemental, for they are there for the same reason you are. They just want to help you, and are very understanding and compassionate.
BTW whatever website you went to was full of crap, al-anon is for relatives/family who have either alcoholics OR drug addicts in their lives
Stay positive and try to find an activity that the whole family can enjoy like going for bicycle rides and always keep an honest and open dialogue between you and your son. I was once also an addict and I can totally agree that the urge to use again is always there but I just keep strong and say to myself “I won’t go down that path again and lose what I have worked so hard for!” . I am not sure of the specifics of your situation but are familiar with what you have been through and what we both will continue to go through. I know that having a job had helped me immensly to stay clean and I hope you and your son also find ways to stay strong and enjoy your lives. Mick.
Call your local mental health crisis line. Every county has one. They will direct you to the right people and they can even set you up with transportation.
Actually call this number: 888-581-9988. It’s a 24 hour crisis line in my area. They will be able to help you from there.
I feel your pain, I really do. Call the number and best of luck to you.
SMART Recovery might be a good fit for you. It’s a secular recovery program and it does not distinguish between addictions–none of this “you (or your loved one) is addicted to the wrong thing, so you aren’t welcome”. SMART has meetings (both online and face to face) for the addicted person and for family members. You would be welcome at any of them. Here’s a link:
http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/family.htm
A support system is not necessary because once you learn that substance use is your choice, as well as your choice to abstain from, there isn’t a need because the decision to use or not to use completely depends upon yourself.
I would like to provide you with some information regarding our Jude Thaddeus Home Program®. It is a non 12 Step home based alternative to traditional outpatient rehab centers. The Jude Thaddeus Home Program® entails a text book with two corresponding work books, and an audio version of the text read by world renowned clinical psychologist, Dr. Joy Browne. Although much of society unfortunately believes “addiction” is the evidence of a disease, in all reality there is no such thing. It’s not possible to be stricken with a disease causing the use of drugs or alcohol, it is completely your choice whether you consume or abstain from substances. This program is primarily focused toward those struggling with drug or alcohol use, but someone who may be struggling with anxiety or depression can utilize this program as well. It is an educational program designed for the individual to find the true lasting happiness they have been searching for. Meanwhile, educating the reader on the tools we all possess to choose the life we want to live, and to permanently break free from the debilitating habit of substance use.
I hope I have been able to help in some way. Please visit our website if you would like more information. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me, I would be happy to help.
Jenna Mitchell
(888) 449-3557
jmitchell@soberforever.org
http://www.jthomeprogram.com