Question by heather: how to stop hating myself? (long but please read)?
I really hate myself like so so much. I feel like the biggest screw up ever. I’ve pretty much hated myself my whole life and it’s just been getting worse and worse and the older i get. My parents got divorced when I was 5 so I went to live with my mom and younger sister. My mom abused growing up. Not beat me but like locked inside my room everyday without tv, computer, books usually no food or water. She said I was a bad person and criminal so I deserved to be locked up. She treated my sister normally though let her have whatever she wanted. I got the cops called on me 8 times (my mom lied I was assaulting her but I wasn’t she just liked seeing my get into trouble and yelled at by cops). Also she made me go to counseling to talk about what a horrible kid I was to her.
And school was no better for me. I had no friends I was too shy to talk to anyone for some reason so I spent years hiding in the bathroom at lunch. I really hated myself. I felt invisble and worthless, I didnt want to feel that way anymore so I made it my goal to become a cheerleader. When I first tried out I had practiced a few months but still didn’t make it. I spent the next two years stretching everyday in my room, taking gymnastics lessons and cheerleading lessons, going to open gyms working my butt off everyday. At the tryout I did a back tuck (back flip) on the gym floor and had the highest jumps of everyone who tried out, splits, tight motions everything. Even the varsity cheerleaders came up to me and told me how good i was. Of the people who tried out 45 out of 50 made it (either varsity or jv). Some people on varsity did not even have cartwheels. I did a back flip and didn’t even make jv. I was devastated. I tried to talk to the coach she just said I was shy and weird not the kind of cheerleader they wanted, she told me that almost everyone made it and the tryout should not have been hard, she said if i couldn’t have even made that simple try out then she advised i not try out ever again. And she said I was a sore loser for bothering her about it too!
I listened and did all star cheer instead. The girls weren’t nice though. They made me a flyer. And the girls complained about how heavy I was to lift in the air. I got self concious and started dieting. I got down to 75 lbs and almost died. They hospitalized me for anorexia and put a feeding tube in me. My mom was mad I cost her so much with the hospital bill and just yelled at me.
Anyways after I got out of the hospital. I moved to my dads house for a fresh start. I went to a new school too. I thought all the past crap in my life was finally over. And I got a couple friends, even got a boyfriend too. But then this popular girl was making fun of me behind my back. For once in my life I had it I was fed up. So I went up to her and told her to stop being a b*tch and say it to my face. She got mad so she spread rumors about me and everyone ended up hating me. People started calling me meth girl cuz they said my face was screwed up so they assumed i was on drugs (i wasn’t though) some boy posted a blog online about me saying i was ugly he went into a lot of detail, said everyone in school hated me and told me to just kill myself already. People left comments to the blog saying they agreed and the school would be better off with me dead. Then these group of 6 girls got together and left me a video on facebook, going through my photos making fun of the way i looked. One was eating food and said hey heather this is food you should try it sometime you don’t know what your missing. I was already insecure about the way i looked and just getting over an eating disorder so that stuff made me feel like a million times worse. I also found out that the boyfriend I had was making fun of me behind my back too he said I was a retarded c*nt and it was hilarious how the how school hated me. I confronted him about it, he said I deserved it bc I’m a loser and ruined his reputation by association bc so many people hated me,
So after that I finally eventually graduated. I’m a sophomore in college now. But I feel like the most worhtless, ugly, stupidest person ever. I feel like I’ve been through so much. Sometimes I just feel unlucky and cursed and other times I feel like I must have done something to deserve it. On top of everything I wrote above. My sister hasn’t spoken to me in 8 years cuz my mom made her think I’m a criminal and I only had 1 job and got fired from it.
So basically I feel like total crap about myself. I’ve lost the motivation to try anything anymore I know I will fail. I’ve come to hate life and everyone and everything, most of all myself. I don’t talk to anyone anymore. Go whole days without saying one word. And I when I get back from class I just stay in my room and cry. I’m not doing well in my classes. I just feel like I have no will to try anymore. I can’t even concentrate on work anymore. And
ive been to counseling it didnt help me though and i have no insurance so cant get medication.
Best answer:
Answer by Floodian
Your not worthless with all the crap you put up with it’s probably hard to see any good that exists in this world. But know that there are good people out there, people who care, and that your life has purpose. Know that you are strong.
God bless you.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
Wow you’ve had a bad life, there’s no denying it but you’ve got to prove those people wrong, you’ve got to believe in yourself, I know it’s hard, I been depressed and been though some hard things (not as hard as yours but have seriously considered suicide many times) look at the future what you hope to be, what you want to be, read motivational books, watch motivational movies or movies like anne where they go from rags to riches, here’s my e-mail if you need more advice danielanswers@gmail.com
NEVER GIVE UP!!! u are a beautiful, creative, smart young person. You need to talk to your teachers, and join a charity. People in charities always end up being incredible friends. Also, join a church. Become more religious. (most) Religious people are nice people. Dont give up hope. Never give up.
I know this sounds bad but something that helped me is looking at other peoples flaws. I had low self esteem but I thought to myself that I’m better looking than most people just because I don’t look like a supermodel doesn’t mean im ugly. Then after you see how ugly everyone else is you won’t feel bad anymore. Your way above average heather, your very pretty. I looked at pictures of you on facebook where you were standing with a big group of like 40 girls. You had alot of pictures on facebook where you were standing with a big group of girls and you would pop out of the picture as the girl whose not ugly. Honestly 98 percent of the girls in those group pics are ugly, and you pop right out of the picture as the pretty one. Sure you don’t look like a supermodel either but 99 percent of people don’t look like supermodels either. The fact is if people made fun of you for your looks it was not the real reason they made fun of you. I know more pretty girls that get made fun of for their looks. No one makes fun of ugly girls for their looks trust me, ugly girls never get made fun of for their looks because it’s obvious their ugly. If people made fun of you it’s because of your personality, over yahoo answers you seem intelligent and nice but maybe you do act strangely in real life? I’d have to meet you to really know. My mom is pretty bad too, not as bad as yours but I feel the cold just like you. Once you realize your better looking than most people you won’t be depressed and will function normal.
oh and about your ex boyfriend . . . I bet you he wasn’t bellow average looking was he? And he went out with you even though he ruined his reputation at school. Wanna know why he went out with you even tho you ruined his reputation and he think your retarded . . . he still went out with you because your no ordinary girl, your a pretty girl and he wanted a pretty girlfriend that’s why he went out with you. I knew a girl like you in highschool that was pretty but no guys liked her because she had a bad reputation. I had a girlfriend at the time so I didn’t talk with her but if i liked her personality i would have dated her.