Question by sweet_leaf: Is it possible for an active alcoholic to support a sober alcoholic?
How does the family dynamic change when one alcoholic quits? How soon into the recovery process should re-integration with the active alcoholic begin if ever?
Best answer:
Answer by psycho-cook
Well my father and two brothers are all alcoholics. They all quit separately and were quite supportive of eachother during their trials. Since each could see the problems it was causing in the other! It helped that they were all adults and weren’t living with eachother day by day but they did get together for all those lovely family get togethers where alcohol was present. So it is possible.
I guess a lot depends on if the other alcoholic feels “threatened” by the other quitting or not. A really relevant factor was that each made the decision for themselves and concentrated on healing themselves rather than trying to “fix” the people around them. I think that approach gave them a lot of peace about it. They also all attended AA.
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If someone is truly an alcoholic, as opposed to someone who has an alcohol problem, they should not be around active drinkers. Most drinkers don’t realize that learning how to live sober is a lifelong comitment. You can’t chill with folks who drink because sooner or later you’ll have a “bad day” and having 1 drink can turn into a relapse. I’ve been surrounded with this for almost 20 years and can’t count the number of people I’ve seen return to drinking. Sobriety is so much better……good luck.
No way in hell They have to separate.Not unless the sober one has ohhh about 20yrs under his/her belt.I am a recovering alcoholic/addict. I have been clean for 5yrs.I can picture me being married to an active user, or drinker.I know he could get me drunk before I could get him sober.There just no way in hell it can work.
I won’t say it can’t work. But I will also say, if someone chooses to live with an active addict, and is in recovery themselves, it is difficult to remain sober, however, if the one is in recovery, and is serious about staying sobe/clean, they will work on their own life and program, and stay out of the one that is still using.
I am a recovering alcoholic of 8 yrs., and my husband is a recovering addict of 1 year.
I had to think about “my own program, and make a life for myself,” if I was going to stay with him. I couldn’t fix him, I had to fix me! It was much harder fixing me, then it was fixing him!
Finally, I didn’t fix him, he fixed him. We have been together 21 years. I am not going to say it was a “bed of roses” but I’m not going to say it was “hell” either. Financially it was difficult, and that was the hardest! I worked, he didn’t. Then he got disabled, then he had a income with mine, then I quit. (I’m bipolar). So then it was just his income, and surprizingly, it got BETTER! Then we made a geographical move, and he has been clean for a year.
So I’m not going to say it can’t work, but I’m not going to say it can either. It depends on the one that is sober/clean, and how much you want the relationship. How abusive he is or isn’t? Mine wasn’t! Do you have kids? I didn’t. No one can answer that question but you and the alcoholic that is in recovery.