Question by Kay: What is it about having an alcoholic mom that makes my husband not trust me?
My husband grew up with a mom who was an alcoholic. He has a lot of trust issues. I want to understand.
Best answer:
Answer by ♥The Mrs.♥
A lot of what we experience in childhood is what we expect in adulthood. This hardly touches on the issue. If it is effecting your marriage counseling may be needed. However you must ask yourself if you are doing anything (going out to bars, drinking, smoking , other addictions) that may increase his paranoia of the issue.
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I had an alcoholic mom and I have always had trust issues. When I decided to trust – it turned out to be the wrong man. …..
His mom wasn’t there for him. He expects you to be the same way. Don’t feel sorry for him and stay with him because of it. It isn’t your fault, but you are going to be accused and mistreated the rest of your life for his mothers ills.
Understand this. His issues are not your issues. Go to AA for families for yourself and you will be a better wife to your husband. Been there done that.
She probably wasn’t there for him when he needed her. Alcoholism and addictions ruin a lot of children…
Its unfair for him to bring his personal problems into the relationship and try to make you responsible for them. Thats not fair to you or your marriage.
Tell him he needs to figure out how to resolve his mommy issues and trust issues before he can be married and truly give to the relationship. Sounds to me like right now he is only tainting the relationship with his problems rather than giving to the relationship.
Tell him to solve his problems with a counselor but he can’t bring those issues inside your marriage.
he may feel like you are going to be your mom. you probably reflect your mom in some ways that he sees.
You pretty much hit on the head already. He has really bad trust issues, but I wouldn’t fault him for that, just be loving and tell him daily that you are faithful to him, and love him.
Trust is something you can help build, but it can only happen in his mind and heart, so just like a plant, give him plenty of time to grow in his trust in you. ALSO, NEVER BRING UP that you are NOT HIS MOM… he already knows that, and bringing it up will only bring up his thoughts of miss-trust in his mom..
Also, the reason he correlates the two, is because you are his wife… his mom was his dad’s wife.. its a very close relationship and basically he will think that you may be like her… even if you are not…
just be patient… everything will work out.
because the person who taught him to love (his mother) hurt him… You are the love in his life, without even realizing he’s doing it, he will test and not trust you… there is hope after years and years so if you didn’t love this man when you married him then oh well, if you did love him, then stand by him and empathize with him and help him through this by what ever means necessary, in sickness and in health right? this is a sickness that you both together have to over come