Question by plameifudare: ok, so would you let a 54 yr old drug addict see her grandkids?
i have custody of an 18 mth old girl, my niece, due to c.p.s. placement. her grandmother tested positive for meth, heroin, cocaine and marijuana 2 weeks before the final c.p.s. family visit to end the case and leave the children (there are 3 in all, i have the youngest, the 6 and 3 yr old live with the maternal grandfather) where they are.she has not gone to any drug treatment programs, parenting classes or counseling that was required for SUPERVISED visitation of the children. now she thinks she can pop up anytime to see the other 2 kids, but never calls me or has ever been in my house because she knows how i feel about her. today was an easter egg hunt she showed up to and when i told her to stay away from us she told me to ‘bite her as_’ and flipped me off in front of maybe 30 children and their parents. i will now NEVER let her see her again, am i wrong?
since so many people have responded i want to thank you all and add another detail to the story. for over 3 yrs this woman lived in the house with these children(not the baby, ive had here since she was 6 months old) and the only money she contributed was to buy more drugs when the parents were out. she has never taught them anything. the older children are grossly behind intellectually, the oldest is in his second yr of kindergarten, and the 3 yr old seems to be far behind as well. the baby, my little angel, is better behaved and nearly as verbally and socially mature as the both of them. kudos to me , and again, thank you for the support.
Best answer:
Answer by smwat03
Nope, until she goes through the rehab and programs then she should not be able to pop up anytime she wants. She can be arrested and taken back to court for violating her order. If it states that in order for her to have supervised visits she has to complete all of the programs, then she has no right to see the kids at all.
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No. I can see how you might have second thoughts and feel bad about them not seeing their grandma, but she is not acting like a loving grandma should be. She needs to clean up and grow up first. Their memories of her shouldn’t be what they will be if you let her come around.
I wouldn’t let her see them until she went through the required counseling, classes and other treatment. It’s court ordered and if you break that they can take the kids from you too.
Nope! Most definitely not. You are protecting the well being of the children and preventing future feelings of disappointment and hurt. she is not a healthy example for any child, and small children usually look up to parents and grandparents. Way to stand your ground, keep it up. Good luck to you.
No. She needs to get the help that was ordered by the courts. You may need to get a restraining order to prevent any further confrontation.
An addict is always an addict and just the fact that she behaved so inappropriately is evidence that she doesn’t have self control and doesn’t know how to behave appropriately in front of your children. That said, never is a very strong word. I would give her at least a few weeks, maybe a month and then reach out to her. Let her know that you have some concerns and that if she wants to have contact it needs to be on your terms not hers. This will keep you from being the bad guy. Start off small like supervised visits to a park. This way if something happens you can send your kids off to the slides while you talk to her. Go in separate cars that way you can leave if you have to. If this works out, try again a few weeks later for lunch or something, but always in public with separate cars so you can leave if you need to. I do believe that people can change, I just think it is very rare. I would wait a long time and build a lot of trust before I ever invited her to your house.
No, she is a loser and you owe it to those kids to protect them for that piece of trash.
I don’t think you are wrong at all because she refuses to go to seek help an what not and continues to use drugs so why should you let her see your children? I wouldn’t want someone on those very dangerous and additive drugs around my children. That’s risky! Until she seeks the help that she needs I would just stay away from her and have your children no where near her. I wouldn’t take the chance. Let her know that you are serious and that she won’t be in your life or your children s if she doesn’t change. Take care and hope I helped…
Yes but I wouldn’t let them see her unsupervised and not if there was any evidence she was on drugs at the time or drugs lying around her house. Considering what happened to you I think it’s fair if you don’t let her see them until she’s clean.
Harriet
Absolutely not. My ex was the same as her. He is not allowed near my child (his biological). It is your responsibility as a guardian to care for that child in every way possible – this includes morally. Putting any child within reach of someone of those loose morals IS detrimental for that child. I’m positive that you know many other people with much better morals for that child to be around. Children are priceless. Love and cherish them. If it feels right to you, then go with that. Many “professionals” forget that a parent knows best. You are going to be that gorgeous girls parent from now until forever. Stick to your guns – you will be glad you did!!
You come to my house acting like that, you aren’t welcome again. At least not until you can clean up your act and act like a human being.
keep your niece AWAY! you’re doing the right thing by keeping that influence out of her life!!
Not a freakin’ chance. Behaving like that at 24 is bad enough, but behaving like that at 54 is just pathetic.
If keeping this loser away from those children is wrong, who’d want to be right?