Question by 22butterfly22: Boyfriend of 4 years throwing me through a roller coster, please help!?
So here is the scenario:
10 months ago my boyfriend (24 years old) and I (24 years old) broke up because he cheated on me and he decided to stay with that girl. We reconnected 4 months later and have been together ever since.
Things were great in the first few months, he was changing the way he used to be (he used to flake on me, accuse me of cheating and be verbally abusive). I haven’t been happier with him or loved him more. This month is the sixth month of being together and all of sudden things are starting to change.
Last weekend he flaked on me to go to his friends, left me at his house until 1 in the morning. Of course he had a huge apology and a excuse. I forgave him because he promised he wasn’t gonna be that person anymore, he said he just slipped. Okay fine. But this weekend it all changed again.
Friday he freaked out because I didn’t want to take him to narcotics anonymous meeting (he is a recovering drug and alcohol user). The plan was to just go to the movies with his friends, but all of a sudden he wants to go to a meeting. I fully support his recovery and always have, but I just wasn’t in the mood. The issue is that he has no car and no license so I have to take him everywhere.
Anyways, once I said I was set on not going he flipped out. He told me how I never want to hang out with his friends (totally untrue) and that it’s really hard to be with me (I give him rides everywhere, have helped him out more than anyone ever has and love him so much). I was shocked that he would react like this over not getting his way. And then it got worse he told me he wants to break up. Hours later though it turned out to just be a threat, but my trust and respect for him totally disappeared. I forgave him later the next day.
During the next day we kept distance from each other, but he said we would hang out and do whatever I wanted. Well that never happened because he went with his friends and didn’t call me till 9:15pm. Then he was inviting me over to his friends house where I thought the plan was just gonna be me and him. That turned into a huge fight because he flips out within seconds over nothing.
So I come over to his house and he gets into my car. The minute he sits down he says, “why does you car smell different, what is that weird smell??” And he sits there and sniffs around like a dog for like a minute. He was implying that I may have had a guy in my car even though he didn’t say it. I was mortified and just sickened. I have never ever cheated on him and for him to even have the audacity to do that was horrible.
I couldn’t speak to him the whole night, I didn’t even want him touching me. He tried to apologize and told me the reason he did that was because since he was being such a bad boyfriend lately, he thought maybe I would go find another guy. I can’t stand it.
All I keep thinking is I need to break up with him, but we have broken up so many times and each time I have come back. I mean I even came back when he cheated, so what’s the point in ending it. I just can’t seem to leave. Please help me, I really have no one to talk to about this right now.
Thank you so much for even reading.
Best answer:
Answer by Tom
you date a man that cheats, calls you names and takes drugs?
leave him
Add your own answer in the comments!
Get rid of him he is paranoid and dangerous, nothing good will ever come out of it.
Poor you!!
It sounds like you could do SOOOOOOOOOOO much better!!!!
I know its really difficult to stay away from the people we love, but dont you think that you fell in love with a person who doesnt really exist anymore. He has changed and you dont love the new person he has become.
To ask someone to change back is like asking something impossible. (Speaking from experience).
It is unfair to you that you have to keep putting up with things like this becasue you have done nothing wrong.
It is common psychology that a person who implies to the partner that they ahve been cheating is just becasue they are insecure in themselves because they have actually cheated themselves. So basically he is insecure and taking it out on you. Is that fair? No. You are coming out worse everytime. Whereas he just keeps getting his own way, treats you as his skivy (driving him around etc) and still has you to go back to at night.
You need to broaden your horizons and picture the future. can you see him being a faithful and reliable husband? Would he be a supportive father? If your answer is your unsure or no, then just get out of it before it actually happens. Your still so young and have so much ahead of you so why waste even more time on someone who doesnt deserve you!
I would create ties with friends and family. Make more friends, join a gym class, go for some cocktails with work, start jogging, join a hobby, meet with friends more often!.
I would really try hard in creating closure on your relationship. It doesnt seem to be going anywhere and its not going to get better. You need a new start :)
Trust me…..you will be so much better for it (thats of course only if you stay away from him so that it gives you the chance to fully get over him). Going back to him before your over him will just result in this sort of question a few years down the line.
Your worth so much more and you CAN get so much more!!
Stay strong, stay away, think of future situations and plans and become a strong independant women, until you finally meet someone who treats you like you want to be treated.
He’s no good. Get rid of him now. All he is doing is making you miserable.