Question by TasteOfInk: what’s the point of living if nothing good has happened yet?
I’m 17, 10/29/08 my best friend killed himself, and idk why but it didn’t really affect me emotionally at all(I never talked to anyone about it). A couple weeks ago I moved from Michigan to Tennessee to get away from my mom and her dick boyfriend and I don’t even miss any of my friends or family. when i was 13 my stepdad (my dad ditched out on me before i was born and i have no clue who he is(and that doesn’t affect me emotionally either) and my stepdad got with my mom before i was 1 so he was always like my real dad) got addicted to meth and started getting really aggresive,he was constantly yelling at everyone and breaking evertying and he threatened to kill us several times, my mom finally ended up divourcing him and that didn’t affect me either. Not even a year after that my mom ended up getting with some asshole who was constantly being a dick to me just for his entertainment. she then had a kid with him even tho we were already struggleing with money. and none of that affected me either . About 6 months ago I started thinking about killing myself, which really confuses me because compared to alot of people my life is good, and at first i didn’t think anything of it but it was constantly getting worse, about 4 months ago I started cutting and once again I have no clue why, I just randomly get urges to do it and the more i ignore it the worse it gets and the the longer i wait the deeper i end up cutting, so I guess I do have emotions but… well I can’t really feel them. and also I remember almost nothing that happened in my life past age 14 but from what I’ve been told all of my cousins and my sister and step brother were constantly making me miserable. When ever someone ask me to list good qualities about myself i freeze because I can’t think of any. I have a lot of people that i chill with but I don’t have any true friends, i’ve had 3 good friends in my life, 2 turned out to be backstabbing ***holes who were just using me and the other killed himself. I’ve had a few girlfriends but i didn’t love any of them, I’ve actually never loved anyone, not even family, and that really disturbs me. last year i spend 2 months in juvie because my mom called the cops and said that i threatened to kill her even though i could never threaten to kill someone, and then told me that i got what i had coming because i did bad in school even tho i tried my hardest i just could never concentrate on anything longer then 2 minutes. I’ve been like that my whole life and when i was going to school it made my life hell because of all the trouble i’d get in at home for failing classes. there were a few years in my life where i was really bad with my mom, constantly flipping out and cussing her out, I finally got it under controll last year but she still constantly throws it in my face and acts like I’m a horrible person even though i hated myself after every fight i got in with her. I’ve had a couple therapist, and I’ve been in an anxiety counselling group and idk why but i could never tell them about wanting to kill myself and cutting, i really couldn’t tell them any of my problems, I always feel like an ***hole when i complain about my life because there are sooo many people out there that have it so much worse then me. Sorry for all of the typing i know that no one wants to real all of that, i just got in sordove a trance when i started typing and couldn’t stop, half of those were suppressed memories i didn’t remember until i started typing, that’s why all of the events i put are in a completely random order.
But the thing is i have absolutely no one I can talk to, I’m currently living in my cousins living room 700 miles away from my guardian so i have no way to get counselling. and there’s no way in hell I could talk to my cousin about stuff like that.
Best answer:
Answer by Lala
i didn’t read ALL of that, but i skimmed through and read most of it. it sounds like you’ve been through a lot.. i’m sorry. :(
BUT that doesn’t mean NOTHING good has happened. i’m sure you have a lot to be grateful for that you aren’t even realizing, as we all do.
feel free to email me if you want to talk. good luck with everything. please just hang in there. there is always something better ahead. i promise. god has a plan for you, and there is a reason he wants you here.
What do you think? Answer below!
i feel the same way as you do.
everything in life is just too normal and annoying
the better question is what is the point in dying when you only get one shot at life?
and cutting happens either out of a masochistic tendency (which is an impulse and it would happen whether you were in emotional turmoil or not) and more frequenly these days because people who want to give meaning and reason to masochists go around saying that cutters do it to release emotions or some such nonsense. which really is utter bull. dont cut, it solves nothing.
dont commit suicide because why die after living nothing but crap? seek to rectify past injustice and live a better life and die fulfilled. also if you survive there is the possibility of jail time since suicide is a crime (i know it seems like what the fuck is suicide a crime for but it is)
not to make little of the stuff that has happened to you but sometimes you just have to think of it like this: in africa there are bandits and raiders that go into a village, kill the men, cut off the clitoris and breasts, rape the women and then sew their parts closed, and yet these women do everything they can to live and prove that they can. life sucks but it could suck worse. theres no reason to kill yourself, especially since suicide is merely a popularized solution made famous by idiots who think its cool (*cough*emo*cough*)
in short maiming yourself…epic fail.
proving to others that despite adversity you can thrive…epic win.
woah that took a while to read nd thats nt true that no one wants to read all of it coz hey i did =) i was really touched by your story coz i can relate to it too, just understand that your young, only 17 (like me) nd trust me you do have something to live for
ok where to start.. firstly you cant just put all of whats happened in your life on your shoulders, you’ve been affeceted from the chocies your other family members have made since before you were born. its not your fault things havent turned out like a perfect picture nd yes its true that there are other ppl out there that have it harder than you do but right now u cant do anything major to help them, but u can help yourself get your life back in control. it’ll take time but trust me it’ll be worth it.
the part where u say that u feel no emotions, well i’ve gone through that stage a few times before nd honestly if u were to have thrown a brick at me from above, then i wouldnt have even tried to dodge it as i too have had suicidal thoughts before. i noticed that i tried to hide so much of my feelings especially at skool nd home that the more i did that the more it felt as if i was been dragged into a deep hole with no escape. my teachers nd a few of my close frendz noticed especially coz i became so much quieter that i put on another face so to speak. my parents aren’t exactly the sort of ppl to tlk to coz they were the ones that, well i dnt wanna say
umm anyway ive gone way off topic into my life sorry, but the point is i finally opened up to my closest cousin nd we spoke heaps about it to the point that i just didnt want to anymore nd from then on my life started to turn around i guess. i just accepted everything for what it is nd i try not to let my past affect my future,
just keep ur head held high nd take everything one step at a time. you never know ur cousin could be a good place to start
i dont know what more to say really, but dont just feel that your alone in what your going through try speak to a councilor or a psychologist if you can
if u ever need anything else u wanna talk about then im quite happy to listen
take care