Question by idk: why am i so emotionless– should i be worried?
My whole life I’ve never been able to speak up for myself, I always suffer in silence and I put everyone else before me. I’m 17, 10/29/08 my best friend killed himself, and idk why but it didn’t really affect me emotionally at all(I never talked to anyone about it). A couple weeks ago I moved from Michigan to Tennessee to get away from my mom and her dick boyfriend and I don’t even miss any of my friends or family. when i was 13 my stepdad (my dad ditched out on me before i was born and i have no clue who he is(and that doesn’t affect me emotionally either) and my stepdad got with my mom before i was 1 so he was always like my real dad) got addicted to meth and started getting really aggresive,he was constantly yelling at everyone and breaking evertying and he threatened to kill us several times, my mom finally ended up divourcing him and that didn’t affect me either. Not even a year after that my mom ended up getting with some asshole who was constantly being a dick to me just for his entertainment. she then had a kid with him even tho we were already struggleing with money. and none of that affected me either . About 6 months ago I started thinking about killing myself, which really confuses me because compared to alot of people my life is good, and at first i didn’t think anything of it but it was constantly getting worse, about 4 months ago I started cutting and once again I have no clue why, I just randomly get urges to do it and the more i ignore it the worse it gets and the the longer i wait the deeper i end up cutting, so I guess I do have emotions but… well I can’t really feel them. and also I remember almost nothing that happened in my life past age 14 but from what I’ve been told all of my cousins and my sister and step brother were constantly making me miserable. When ever someone ask me to list good qualities about myself i freeze because I can’t think of any. I have a lot of people that i chill with but I don’t have any true friends, i’ve had 3 good friends in my life, 2 turned out to be backstabbing ***holes who were just using me and the other killed himself. I’ve had a few girlfriends but i didn’t love any of them, I’ve actually never loved anyone, not even family, and that really disturbs me. I’ve had one person in my life that actually cared about me and tried to look out for me, my cousin, and he died of a heroin overdose exactly 3 years ago. He was addicted to heroin but he was still a good person and he looked out for me, he tried to make sure that I would never make the same mistakes as him, honestly that’s the only thing stopping me from turning to drugs, i know my cousin would be crushed. last year i spent 2 months in juvie because my mom called the cops and said that i threatened to kill her even though i could never threaten to kill someone, and then told me that i got what i had coming because i did bad in school even tho i tried my hardest i just could never concentrate on anything longer then 2 minutes. I’ve been like that my whole life and when i was going to school it made my life hell because of all the trouble i’d get in at home for failing classes. there were a few years in my life where i was really bad with my mom, constantly flipping out and cussing her out, I finally got it under controll last year but she still constantly throws it in my face and acts like I’m a horrible person even though i hated myself after every fight i got in with her. I’ve had a couple therapist, and I’ve been in an anxiety counselling group and idk why but i could never tell them about wanting to kill myself and cutting, i really couldn’t tell them any of my problems, I always feel like an ***hole when i complain about my life because there are sooo many people out there that have it so much worse then me. Sorry for all of the typing i know that no one wants to real all of that, i just got in sordove a trance when i started typing and couldn’t stop, half of those were suppressed memories i didn’t remember until i started typing, that’s why all of the events i put are in a completely random order
Best answer:
Answer by *Bananaaa~Duckiie*
well lucky for you i read all of it but you do have feelings… if you went on Y!A and typed all this it shows you care about the situation!! i cant really tell you what to do about ur problems im really srry though but all i can say is forget about the past and create your future. watever happened…happened. so now your gonna have to avoid that forever and start a life because if you always think about those bad memories.. how do you expect life to get better. look my life aint so woohoo eather but when i read this i considered myself luckt because ur having it worse than me. my school year is bullcrap right now my bf broke up with me bc i mentioned something i regret.. hes now dating my really close friend which i dont consider one much of… my grades are lower than last year and yes i feel crushed and disapointed but i let i got and start over again. you should do the same.
What do you think? Answer below!
I know the Reason you are so emotionless an i know cause i have been through about the same things you have been through. i have had about 20 therapist in my life, and every time i have had one none of them has helped. then one day i started to cut myself to, and then one of my Backstabbing ***holes of friends (idk who) told our school Counselor and my mom Flipped out and took me to a Personal Counselor, and She Was like $300 every time i saw her but she helped a little bit, She Said that the reason i was so emotionless is that i have always held EVERYTHING in and stuff. She Also said that i never had anyone there for me so that is one of the main reasons that i became emotionless so Hope that helped! :)
IDK,
Thank you for sharing your life story, thus far. I am sure it was a tremendous release just writing it all out!
You have endured plenty and its time for you to take what life, people and experiences have taught you and learn from them..there is a lesson in each one…take those learning’s and allow them to assist you in making you stronger and wiser. It seems that these experiences have closed your heart…how can you truly live with a closed heart? It is not possible, that’s my opinion. Your faith in yourself and people has been broken, and in time you can restore it…Its all up to you, you have unlimited potential/power to turn it all around, by changing your perspective. Wishing all the best for you now and always :o)