Question by LL: How do you actually get through to a person with alcoholism?
Might be a stupid question, but how do you get through to a person with alcoholism to stop his denial and admit it and get the help he needs if he wants to sustain our relationship, which he claims is so important to him and cannot face life without me, cause i am battling emotionally and mentally to break it off with him, but seems so bleak
Best answer:
Answer by Akhi
They tend not to chage until they hit ‘bottom”…..siomethi8gn bad usually has to happen….losing a job, spouse, gettign a dui, losing the house, etc b4 they’ll make a change
What do you think? Answer below!
Have a good talk with him, one fine morning, when he is real sober.
Tell him how you feel and what you miss, during times when he is drunk. Recommend some interesting and useful hobbies to keep him and you occupied — say dancing, singing, photography, painting, playing a musical instrument, etc. Join a club. There are a hundred possible ways to live life. One benefits more when one is alert at every wakeful (not drugged or drunk) moment. I think these should be enough, if not done before, and i wish u luck and pleasant times ahead! :-))
As was already said, it takes a serious jolt to get through to someone with an addiction. Basically, until he faces the threat off the loss of something intensely important to him, he may just stay dreaming.
Also – don’t put it all on your own shoulders. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what you do – if he refuses to be gotten through to, then you won’t get through to him, despite your best efforts. Eventually this is going to rest on his decisions, and his alone.
Until then, keep trying. If you have to threaten to break it off, threaten to break it off – but ONLY if you have the maturity, stability, and level of desperation needed to follow through if necessary.
You can’t get these people to do anything until they are ready and willing to do something themselves. They have to admit that they have a problem and need help. Most of people with alcoholism have to hit rock bottom before they ask for help, some die before that even happens. It’s very sad and unfortunate but that’s the way it is…
Just tell him, look I like or love you a lot but I can not take this any more and I need to leave for a while just to myself back on track emotionally. Your behavior has really hurt me and drained me down big time. So let have some space for 2 or 3 weeks, we can talk on the phone but no physical contact. Make sure you let him know it’s only for 2 or 3 weeks. In this time hopefully he’ll realize that he could be losing a very special person in his life because of his drinking! Hopefully!
My cousin Maria did this to her boyfriend, and she didn’t answer the phone as much either. In his case he did wake up and get help, but each person is different some never get it at all!
Good luck!
One of the many things people overlook with addictions of their Friends and relatives is the condition called co-dependecy. When the addiction is arrested there most often is a circling of the priorities set aside long ago and a different attitude is in the news. Consequently a lot of relationships are built around the old self and then a new one surfaces and a parting of friendships occur. As for the second part of the stated question, a period of counseling on your part would reap benefits since what is seen are the denials from yourself and the insecurities involved. Alcoholics anonymous, is a good place to start although I won’t recommend a long term stay at these meetings in regards to the social content this should give you an idea as to what most alcoholics undergo in sobriety.
Among the several years past I had worked as a counselor in A.A. groups and have seen relapses because of the lack of educational formats.
Al-Anon will shchool you in how to re-evaluate your life, so that you have a shot at being happy. Give it a go!